8 secrets to moving abroad for love

“You fall in love by chance and stay in love by choice”

“Those gorgeous blue eyes, blonde hair. He’s got boots, Ohhh! must be from the country”

“Small town girl, hair up in a ponytail, must be country, oh and she’s got boots!”

He says AYE… she says EH…

Wait WHAT!? You’re from where?

Ok well doesn’t matter, not like they’re going to fall in love… right?

HA welllll they did, sort of like that anyway!

I met my boyfriend in Canada, where I am from and despite my efforts not to like the Kiwi in town, I did, and he liked me back and well, we fell in love.

Chris was coming to the end of his work visa and had to proceed with residency if he wanted to stay in Canada.

And just like that we were faced with the biggest decision of our lives (thus far). Where are we going to live? Canada or New Zealand?

Chris had been in Canada for almost 4 years and wanted to go back home to New Zealand. I wanted to be with Chris. Excitedly I said YES I’ll go not really thinking about everything that came with moving to a new country. It hasn’t been easy. We’ve had to be do long distance a few times over the last few years but I have learned a lot. Chris has learned a lot and if there’s one thing in life I’ve learnt so far, is just go for it and do the best you can do.

It’s not easy moving let alone across the world but it is possible!  You’re certainly challenged in ways you probably never thought and are forced to ask yourself what you really want and what you think your relationship will look down the road. When you do decide to make the move,

Here are 8 secrets I want to share for moving abroad for love.

1. Open mind and positive vibes 

   Emotions are high when moving to a different city but moving to another country can set them on a rollercoaster that can spiral out of control! Now that I’ve got your hands in the air and you’re ready to scream, the best way to slow that coaster or at least maybe hop on the one suited for 5 to 10 year olds is to keep an open mind and stay positive. Change is hard, yes, but there are things you can do to move forward and not dwell on leaving home. Research where you’re going, look at photos, watch videos, see what there is to do. Google was my best friend for a while so I could fill my head with wonders of my new home! It got me really excited and will for you too.

    

2. NEVER keep score! 

   And I mean never! Keeping score is soul sucking to your relationship! It’s not always cruisey when you’re really missing home and emotions are high but pulling out the ‘I moved here for you so..” does nothing. You may feel like there’s some truth to it, which yes you were the one moving but when your partner is a team player, appreciating your move then there won’t be anything to keep score about.

3. Go in committed 

   This is not a pit stop. It’s hard the first 6 months, even a year not to feel like you’re still just on a big holiday.  Heck my current visa is literally called a working holiday visa!  Its a tough one to do but move in with a committed mindset of this is your new home, just as you’re committed to your relationship. It’s scary as hell, trust me, but if you want to make it work and build a life, you’ve got to go for it. You need to be confident not just for yourself and the move but your partner too.

4. Be a team!

   You and your partner should be in this together. I’m guilty of being that one feeling like I’m in holiday mode still, even after a year. Us Canadians are essentially allowed 2 years before we need to commit more to immigration. Sooner or later though, BIG decisions will need to be made. Visas, buying a house, jobs, life’s big choices. Sticking as a team, being honest and learning to compromise will certainly help to ease through those big decisions.

5. Be you!

   If you move far enough away, you’re basically restarting your life. New friends, a new job, new surroundings. It does get hard not to feel a little lost but just as you would’ve at home, go out for drinks with coworkers, do the same hobbies you did at home or maybe pick up new ones and try something new. It’s always healthy to do your own thing in relationships and finding what you love to do.  Participating in your new life will help you feel more at home.

6. Be a couple!

   I just said to do your own thing and now I’m saying be a couple. What I mean is don’t forget to keep making time to be a couple. Moving is hectic and in a time where your emotions can feel like they’re just beyond reach its really important to remember what brought you here in the first place. Take a day and explore together, have a romantic dinner, just take time to forget about the moving in or job hunting and enjoy each other!

7. Don’t harbor resentment 

   Usually this will come out not because you actually resent your partner but more so because of frustration. Leaving your job and having to find a new one, starting at square 1, making new friends, not even knowing where to go, buying tomato sauce thinking its pasta sauce, silly I know but just little things can get to you. It’s hard. If you’re harboring resentment and every day waking up feeling I wish I wasn’t here then yes maybe it’s time to re think your move but give yourself some time and check your emotions first.

8. It takes 2

   You may be the one moving and leaving your life behind but never forget to think about how your partner feels too because it’s not easy on the other end either. This is something I wish I would have nurtured a bit earlier on than I did. Never doubt how much pressure is also on the other person. Will she be happy living here? How can I make it worth it? Will she leave me? How can I be here for her? This is hard. All thoughts of someone awaiting the arrival of their love to their new home. I was the one having to move countries, of course that means I’m committed but sometimes it’s not as black and white as that and it does get tricky. Make sure you acknowledge what your partner is feeling and be there for them just as they are there for you.  Together you can make it work!

Have you moved for a loved one, or someone moved for you? What is your advice? Please share!

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