Travel emotions– part one.

22 days… I just got to New Zealand on December 12^th and in 22 days I’m heading back to Canada. I spent 4 months crying because I miss home and now I’m spending a month crying because I have to go back. What the hell right.

My traveling isn’t the backpacking hop to a new country every 6 weeks type of travel. I feel like it’s a different kind of a travel. A living travel. I’ve come to New Zealand to live like I did in Canada but New Zealand style. I have a job here, I have rent payments, a car and use weekends and any time I can get off to explore this country.

It’s amazing. It really is.

Being able to road trip around and see new things is so full filling. I have a new appreciation for my own country and have also learned so much about a new country and myself.

But, it’s also super hard.

I don’t actually let the tears out every single day but it is emotional at times.   It is so amazing in New Zealand. It’s so amazing to be able to travel anywhere for that matter. I have certainly realized how cool it is to go somewhere new and see new things. Everything is just beautiful here and I really only have to drive half hour to go see something beautiful.

What more do I want!

I’m out of my little Canadian bubble and exploring, adventuring, learning about how they live on the other side of the world. No I’m not in a third world country situation where you really open your eyes because the way of life is so different but for a girl who’s been a total homebody, close to my family, attached to my horses and riding it has opened my eyes. I love it here in New Zealand.

I’m the type of person though to feel really guilty about things whether I have something to feel bad for or not. I also feel very compassionate towards others so leaving home I have this huge weight of guilt for leaving. No one is mad at me for leaving but I still feel bad about it. Google says I have neurotic guilt… and sure?.. ok maybe I do? Whatever ha But I think it’s just one of the many emotions you go through when travelling.

This is the super hard part.

If you’re like me, you wake up thinking oh my gosh I am in New Zealand.. but as soon as life slows down, or you decide to chill for a weekend at home, guilt slips in. You get extremely nostalgic about your own home and question everything. Why don’t I just stay home and travel my own country? Why would I ever leave my family? Will my horse still love me? What if I just stayed home all together? Does questioning anything mean I shouldn’t be here?

Like RE DICULOUS!

Let’s remember folks, I’ve only been in New Zealand for 5 months. That’s it. But I’m planning on coming back after a few months in Canada. So yes I know I sound crazy, a total mess, especially to those who have been travelling for years but this is what I consider the first stages of leaving home. I hope anyways.

I’ve met quite a few Canadian Kiwis and they all say it takes time. I don’t know how much time I’ll need. I don’t know for sure where I’ll be in 5, 10 years either but it sounds like it’s only human to miss home.

Duh Lauren.. duh.

The thing is, I want to be a traveler. I’m in New Zealand now but there are so many other places I want to go. I see others with super successful travel blogs and heaps of Instagram followers thinking they’re real strong. They don’t miss home. They just leave and never look back and travel the world.  Well they do. Everyone does. Of course they do!

Again, duh Lauren.

I know it’s not a foreign concept here, that it’s ok to miss home. It’s part of the journey. It’s just such a mental emotional game we all play. At least this is what I’m telling myself. I’m still figuring things out but I don’t think its sign that I’m not cut out for this travel business.

I suppose the key is to live in the moment and always move forward. Embrace how lucky I am to be here and look forward to the great things to come.

I’m totally just babbling on about the thoughts running through my head, its my blog I’ll do what I want, ok?! :P, but surely I’m not the only one who feels the way?! God I hope not, otherwise I will really start believing Google and probably check in for mental help.

Tell me, did you really miss home when you first started your travelling? Do you still? How do you deal with it all? What do ya think?!